The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
