yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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