it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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