how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
bring money and cleavage
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
