That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
