So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
