some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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