They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
