if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
