Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
