I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
