remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
