Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
