My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
