you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Jerry, you need to find god
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
