We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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