It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
