Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
