okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
