can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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