$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
