I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
