they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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