Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
