You made me cry and you don't even care
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
