i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
