Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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