Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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