My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize