Sponge bath it is.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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