this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
