Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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