remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
