i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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