Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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