You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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