Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
