I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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