big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
