I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
