when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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