You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
