It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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