i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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