I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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