I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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