Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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