Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
