I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
As shirtless as possible
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
