They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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