I'm going to jail i love you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
