he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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