Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
