Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
