Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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