someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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