just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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