i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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