Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We are all done wearing pants today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
