did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
