Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
