In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
