dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
