I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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