No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
