i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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