I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
