We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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