On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
