They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
