you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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