I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
