I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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